New Yorkers Unusually Skeptical of Everyone and Everything Today

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In a rare twist of fate and unbridled cynicism, locals across the five boroughs are engaging in a more-than-usual display of paranoia and neuroticism this April 1st, trusting no one, nothing, and not even themselves.

"They’re definitely fucking with me," said 28-year-old Midtown resident Hannah Day, who awoke to discover 11 dishes, resting washed and polished beside her kitchen sick. "It’s really, really disturbing. And I’m gonna find out which roommate is behind it."

Downtown, regulars of the Greenwich Ave. Starbucks were startled to discover a homemade cardboard sign in the coffee shop’s window announcing a “water main break,” and its doors being “temporarily closed.”

"Is this their way of telling me I’m fat?" asked 49-year-old Frank Holding, who lives on Bleecker St. "I haven’t ordered a lemon bar in weeks."

Rumor has it, the specials menu at Westville has changed again today, swapping yesterday’s avocado wrap with today’s ground lamb sloppy joe.

"Quite strange," said 74-year-old Chelsea resident Mary Blatton. "Never, in all my years. I’m staying inside the rest of the day."

Happy April Fools’!

NYC’s Top 5 Bodega Cats: Glamorized

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When you’re searching for the most charismatic bodega cat in NYC, there are three things you must keep in mind:

1. It takes far longer than you think
2. Wear sneakers
3. Strategy is everything

Bodega cats are quiet legends of this city. They’re the limber, furry dwellers of your corner convenience shop. They hunt for rats, settle languidly upon six-packs of beer, laundry detergent, and tomato sauce. And they’re also illegal. According to the NYC health code, animals in businesses proffering food or beverages are forbidden - no matter how cute.

Alas, the search for bodega cats requires a good deal of tact and, above all, collaboration. My partner in crime: Tali Blankfeld - illustrious photographer and bodega cat-admirer. Together, we spent several days across two separate seasons to uncover for you the top five bodega cats of NYC. 

Our initial strategy: be as discreet as possible, let no man know our mission. Unfortunately, this led to many hours of covertly and fruitlessly wandering into the backrooms of shops “just looking for Sprite.” So finally, we decided to be as upfront as possible, loudly exclaiming upon entry: "We’ve come for cat."

In this approach, the store owners either denied the existence of cat, or proudly ushered us to the bottom shelf of their cereal aisle/backroom, where the feline dwelled.

The result: days of adventure and our glamorous spread of the top five bodega cats across NYC. And if these photos aren’t enough… here’s a whole gallery.

5. Name: No Name
    Location: West Village, Greenwich Ave.
    Stage name: “Catwalk”
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4. Name: No Name
    Location: Lower East Side, Irvington St.
    Stage name: “Whiska”
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3. Name: Bobby
    Location: Upper East Side, 1st Ave.
    Stage name: “Slay”
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2. Name: Cookie
    Location: Upper East Side, 1st Ave. 
    Stage name: “Marilyn Monroe”
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1. Name: No Name
    Location: Nolita, Mulberry St.
    Stage name: “Nolita Lolita”
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44 seconds in NYC’s West Village during a snowstorm!